Autism Diagnosis as an Adult

by James Malone Kirkendall

Hello, my name is James and I want to voice my struggles and successes with others that are suffering from mental illness and developmental issues. Ever since I was little I knew something was off. I was always told throughout my life that I seemed like a calm person, however that was far from the truth. The wheels were always turning in my head.

In school I struggled a lot with my learning disability. I always could remember in second grade when we started doing multiplication assignments. All the other kids seemed to be grasping the numbers, but I just sat there with a blank stare. It wasn’t that I was jealous, I just was frustrated with not getting it. I also had a specific fear of tall buildings and high ceilings. My parents sent me to a psychologist for exposure therapy, but the fear remained. The phobia has always interfered with travel, leisure, and work opportunities.

Even as an adult I made the mistake of not mentioning anything besides my phobia to the psychiatrist and therapists that I saw. I put in a lot of hours into cognitive and hypnosis therapy. I mentioned the constant worry and was usually diagnosed with Anxiety. I would always give medication a try, but it would always upset my stomach or I felt It wasn’t working. I even tried herbal remedies and acupuncture. 

In recent years I had the feeling that something was very off with me. I would have panic attacks and meltdowns lasting several hours. I always knew I had a learning disability, anxiety, and a specific phobia. Sensory Issues such as tastes, smells, textures, and sights bothered me, but I never mentioned it to a professional. I detested staying at someone’s house or a hotel, and I even had trouble feeling comfortable in my own home.

When I saw the show Atypical it gave me an idea to do a little research. I knew autism was different for everyone, but I could see similarities between the main character of the show and myself. Learning more about autism became a new obsession for me. I then decided to take the plunge and see a specialist. I was told by the doctor that they were pleasantly surprised at how functional I seemed compared to my test results. It was indeed a compliment, but it had me thinking a lot about my life in both the past and the present. I was in tears because of the mixed feelings about my life. 

Today, I still struggle with my learning disability, phobias, anxiety, and autism. However, the autism diagnosis has changed how I approach effective treatment. I’m excited to say, with help from the right medications, I can live life a little more easily. These treatments have enabled me to enjoy my interests including photography, writing, historic preservation, video games, roller skating, martial arts, and acting. Most people do not understand the frustrations and the struggles that someone with autism with lower support needs still goes through on a daily basis. I’m still trying to learn more ways to cope and use my obsessive traits as a strength and not a weakness.

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James Malone Kirkendall is a Fort Smith resident and joined the Abandoned Arkansas team in 2014. He owns two dogs and parrots, and he lives with his wife Ashleigh. Though he struggles with a learning disability and Autism, his talents and persistence have led him to an array of different achievements. Some of the greatest feats include receiving a black belt in karate and performing in the Fringe Theatre Festival in Scotland. He is also co-author of the book Abandoned Arkansas: An Echo From The Past. His education includes several computer technology certifications. He has also attended the New York Film Academy in Los Angeles. His interests include video games, roller skating, and martial arts.

View some of James’ photography below.